Glastonbury 2014 Lineup

Here’s a controversial opinion. I have always believed that Glastonbury is the music festival for people who don’t like music. Stone me if you will, but hear me out. Glastonbury, much like a playground fight, is almost exclusively populated by the kind of people who merely want to boast about having been there.  These city boy wankers, who go to Glastonbury as a way to appear cultured and deep when in actual fact they have, to quote the great Emma Watson “the emotional range of a teaspoon,” are the type of people who will be invited on stage with Nile Rodgers and proceed to film it on their fucking iPad. Don’t believe me? See for yourself:


“Oh man I am so fucking tweeting this rn”

But perhaps all that is about to change, with the release of this year’s Glastonbury Line-Up being, quite simply, the greatest thing since stone age man invented the wheel. In the same way Ug the caveman got the ball rolling Glastonbury have released a lineup that seems to be aimed at the widest possible audience yet, with the usual golden oldies, such as Dolly Parton and Robert Plant, billed alongside Arcade Fire, Jack White, Kasabian and The Black Keys. I won’t go into the details of the lineup, I’ll leave that for you to drool over yourself, but it would seem that Glastonbury is about to become a very very cool place to be for the MUSIC, not because it’s just a very very cool place to be. It also reveals the mystery as to the lacklustre attempts at a lineup at Reading, which I didn’t mind as such, but not minding is hardly a justification for the hefty entrance fee. For the first time this year, I’m looking at a lineup that I would happily cough up £200 or so for. By simple maths, if we assume the average gig ticket for a single band is £50, then I’d be saving a whopping £1300 pounds to see all the acts I like from this lineup.

Wait,  there are no tickets left? Shit.

Check out the lineup here


What do you think of the lineup? Who would you love to see?

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